Getting Thin

Quitting Sucks

2011-05-25T08:50:00.001-07:00

After finally losing the weight that I wanted to lose, I decided that in an effort to continue on a healthier path that it was time to quit smoking. It is now day 3 and all I can think about is those Nicorette commercials that say, "Quitting sucks, Nicorette helps it suck less." When comparing quitting cold turkey to using an aid like Nicorette (as I am doing) that may be true but I have to say that right now, I'm not the person you want to be around.

I hate everything and everybody! Especially the people who sit outside and enjoy their smokes with reckless abandon. Maybe because I'm so miserable right now, I feel nostalgic. I enjoyed every single ciggy I ever inhaled. I like the way that they smell. I liked that it kept all the people that turned up their noses and whispered under their breath "filthy habit" at least 10 feet away from me in any direction. If you are one of those people, don't tell me how wonderful it is to finally be able to be around me now that I don't reek of cigarettes. I still hate you and just because I'm not smoking, that is not an open invitation to enter my "airspace."

In order to keep my committment to not smoking, I've taken up exercise. I hated to exercise before and I still hate it, but it helps to alleviate the anxiety that I feel being off the smokes. On top of that, I'm ensuring that I don't gain all my weight back by replacing one habit, smoking, with another, mindless eating. Unfortunately, I have to work out like a body-builder in order to alleviate my anxiety so my whole body is sore.

To recap, I'm miserable. I'm lashing out. I'm hateful. I still don't like people who comment on other people's bad habits. I'm only on day 3.

Give me an inch and I'll take a mile

2011-02-18T19:39:00.000-08:00

I have to say that Phase 3 is just as difficult for me as Phase 2. On the VLCD the rules are clear. There are only a couple of foods that you can have and you can have a limited amount of them. Even though Phase 3 is a little more relaxed there are still things that you can't have: sugar, starches (potatoes, sweet potatoes, squash, bananas, etc.), breads. You can have a bit more dairy, a little more oil(i.e. light cooking spray) and more of the same chicken, beef, vegetables, and fruits. Basically, you can eat hyper-healthy. Therein lies the rub.

For the past 4 weeks, I would have killed somebody for a cube of colby jack cheese. Now that I can have a little cheese, it isn't that important to me. What I really crave now is a box of Valentine candy. The second my brain realizes that a certain food is verboten, that's the only thing that I want. I don't just want a taste, I want to each the whole thing in one setting.

As of now, I have adhered to the diet as if I were a religious zealot. I just hope that I can continue to adhere to it over the coming weeks.

Food addiction is a reality.

2011-02-12T20:25:00.000-08:00

Every time I have heard about food addiction, I have scoffed. "It's a question of self-discipline," I would tell myself, "those people are just being lazy." To a certain extent, that may be true, but only partially. Like any addiction, the addict has to continuously fight the urge to surrender to the temptation. That takes a certain measure of willpower. Some people have the willpower to resist it consistently (they're the super skinny people), others surrender occassionally, others rarely resist and find themselves struggling with their weight their whole lives.
Reformed alcoholics or smokers can smell alcohol or cigarettes a mile away. After adhering to a diet that allowed me the bare minimum amount of calories and allowed no wiggle room for oil, butter, bread, sugar, alcohol etc., I can tell you that I can smell a muffin at room temperature 100 feet away. My husband had one Twizzler two hours ago and I could tell you the exact second that he swallowed it. I never realized the struggle my husband endured being a diabetic. Limiting yourself to miniscule portions of bread and sugar is like a crack head limiting himself to smoking crack once a week.
I can only wonder if this is going to be as difficult for me for the rest of my life as it is today. If so, so be it. I have made a committment to myself to stay thin. Today, I donated all the clothes that no longer fit me. There is no longer a question as to whether or not I will maintain my weight loss. I have gotten used to the habit of weighing in every morning and adjusting my eating habits to keep the weight off. I guess being aware of my proclivity for overindulging is a battle won.

The Stall

2011-02-04T20:50:00.000-08:00

There is nothing more frustrating than following a diet to the letter only to find that your weight loss has stalled. Maybe it's my body telling me, "This is as good as it gets." Maybe it's just a fluke. Either way, I'm at a point where I have to make a decision. If my stall hasn't broken by tomorrow, I think I may just throw in the towel. Don't get me wrong, I have lost nearly 20 lbs in three weeks which is an amazing accomplishment. Unfortunately, it just isn't my goal weight. In all honesty, I have to say that if it truly is my fate to be 10 lbs higher than where I would like to be, it isn't the end of the world. I just struggle with not meeting a goal that I've set for myself. On the other hand, actually being able to eat something besides chicken and lettuce is certainly going to be nice. Should my stall continue into tomorrow, I will start the third phase of the diet. Even 10 lbs heavier than my goal, I'm a thinner Maggie and happier for it.

Some days are better than others

2011-01-29T16:58:00.000-08:00

Life has been fairly hectic for me lately. Working full time, being a wife and mother, and going to school full time to finally finish my degree has certainly kept me on my toes. This diet seems to be the only thing lately under my control. This week wasn't horrible and the weight loss has been fairly steady with few stalls so that is definitely encouraging, but to be honest with you, I despise every single morsel of food that I put in my mouth. If I told you that tonight, I would be dining on steak and broccoli, you may think, "Meh, her life isn't that bad." The reality of it is that I'm eating a peice of steak smaller than the table scraps that I would feed to my 9 lb miniature schnauzer and broccoli that is flavored with my own tears since I can't have butter or oil of any kind whatsover, then you may think of it a little differently. Thankfully this diet has immediate results so whenever I start to feel like every aspect of my life sucks nads, I look down at the scale and see a little more weight has dropped off my fat corpus and I feel a little better. Today just isn't one of those days.

End of week 1 - Deja Vu All Over Again

2011-01-23T15:26:00.000-08:00

I was reading back through my previous posts and I realized how short my memory is when it comes to my own personal suffering. Today, I thought that this round of HCG is harder than any of my previous rounds. Going back through my blog and reading my posts, I realize that this round is just as hard as all the other rounds. The difference is my willingness to throw in the towel. I get to a point where I think, "Well, at least I'm not as fat as I was before. This is good enough." But it's not good enough, it's not, "AWESOME!" It's "Meh.

Reading my old posts helped reassure me that I do have this in me and I will continue.

10 lbs down at the end of week 1.

Minor setback!

2010-04-12T03:26:00.000-07:00

Everybody has them and I'm no different. Frequently with HCG, the Time of Month (TOM) can cause a setback. This morning, I was up 157.4 after being down to 156.6 yesterday. It can be pretty frustrating to work really hard to stick to a diet only to experience a setback, but I think that it's really important to keep the ultimate goal in mind and soldier on. My ultimate goal is 140 and it's so close that I can taste it!

This weekend, I had a wonderful conversation with a fellow mom on my son's baseball team. She said that she was going to try the HCG diet and expressed her frustration with other diets that she had tried that did not produce long-lasting results. I can totally relate. I only tried a million different diets and while I would lose 10 lbs in the short term, I would gain 15-20 after I stopped whatever I was doing. With this diet I know (after going on maintenance for 5 weeks without gaining any weight back) that this is long term change for me.

It can also be frustrating living in a house where nobody else had really had to live with weight issues. My husband, while SUPER supportive, has never had a weight problem. Sure, he gained weight with me through all of my pregnancies, but I think something happens to a woman's metabolism when she goes through a hormone trauma like childbirth. He understands my weight struggle like he understood post-partum depression. He could tell me what he thought I should do to snap out of it, but without understanding the changes that were going on in my body, that advice was futile.

So, while the setback this morning was frustrating, I am still keeping my eye on the prize and making sure that I do what it takes to reach that magic number of 140:-)

Maggie

Why Gluttony is considered on of the 7 deadly sins!

2010-04-10T10:29:00.000-07:00

Over Easter weekend, I had my gorge days. I would like to say that it was AWESOME but it really wasn't that great. Yeah, I had lots and lots and LOTS of food, but by the end of it, I had gained 6 lbs and felt like my eyeballs were filled with gravy. I was actually looking forward to getting back on the VLCD.

The first day weighing back in, I had gone from 160 lbs (where I left off after round one) and was up to 166. I was feeling it too. My skin was breaking out from all the oil that I had consumed. My pants were fitting tighter and I was not feeling as good about myself as I had been.

On the first day of the VLCD I went back down to 162. Good, but not good enough.

On the second day of the VLCD I was 160. My clothes were fitting again and I was feeling really good about myself. Especially since I had to attend a parent function at my child's school and my arch enemy (who we'll just call bologna ass because her ass looks like a day old piece of lukewarm bologna) had lost some weight too in the traditional way and I have to say that aside from her ugly face, matched only by her hateful personality, she didn't look horrible. Nothing like a little rivalry to keep you focused on your goals. Living well is still the best revenge.

On the third day, I was down to 157.8 lbs. I was starting to really feel hungry but since the results that I was seeing in the mirror as well as on the scale are worth it to me. I stuck with the diet.

Today, I weighed in at 157.0 lbs. I'm not as hungry today as I was yesterday and my clothes continue to fit me better and better. My problem with other weight loss programs is that I was working my butt off and seeing really slow results. I was hungry. I was exhausted from exercising and in order to stave off discouragement, I was only weighing myself once a week only to see that 5 days of starving myself and running till I thought I was going to throw up only produced a one lb weight loss and no visible change in appearance. Watching myself transform in a months time, having co-workers come up to me and tell me that they didn't recognize me and tell me how good I look, and fitting into clothes that have gone out of style because it's been THAT LONG since I was this thin is enough to keep me going.

Good luck to all who are doing this diet with me.

Love

Maggie

Maintentance - Ending on Easter Weekend

2010-03-20T13:09:00.000-07:00

I needed the time off. I was sick of eating the same thing day after day after day and it was time for me to take a little break. I can't say that I wasn't nervous. I had been told all my life that if you lose weight fast, you will gain it back just as fast, and then some. For the most part, that had been true. This time, I am the exception to the rule.

I took it slow for a few days. During Phase 3, you are supposed to stick to the diet without taking the HCG. I did and for me, dieting without the HCG was a LOT easier than dieting with the HCG. I found that I was a lot less hungry when I didn't take the HCG. I don't know that this is normal, I have heard it go the other way as well. Anyway, at the end of 3 days, I hadn't lost more than 2 lbs, which is what is supposed to happen.

Over the next couple of weeks, I starting adding things into my diet. Cheese, salad dressing, bread in very small doses. I can tell you that I have not gained or lost more than 2 lbs one way or the other. My weight has stabilized and I am now holding steady at 160 lbs regardless of what I eat. This truly is the weight loss cure that I have been searching for.

I have another round to go. I can't say that I am looking forward to getting back on the diet, I can tell you that it isn't going to be for very long and I am really looking forward to reaching my goal weight. The diet is hard, but it is temporary. For those of you on the diet, I know what you are thinking -- when is this going to be over? You may be tempted to cheat, you may want to throw in the towel and resign yourself to a life of being overweight. DON'T GIVE UP NOW. At the end of your six weeks, this will be over and you will be living your life without worrying about your weight. I promise.

Before and Midway

2010-01-31T09:41:00.000-08:00

I'm down to 170 and still struggling through the diet. This week has been the week of stalls and starts and my weight loss is dwindling to about 1.5 lbs every 3 days. However, this is still the fastest and most effective diet that I have ever been on. I miss the starches, I miss the breads and butter but I don't miss the fat. I am down 4 sizes and I'm losing it in the places where I want to lose it. I still have about 30 lbs before I meet my goal weight, but I'm happy with the results so far.

Average diet

1 protein shake in the morning (1 scoop of JP protein shake, 1 1/2 cups of water and 6 strawberries)
1 protein shake for lunch (same recipe) OR 3.5 oz of turkey or chicken.
1 3.5 oz of chicken breast or tilapia (broiled or baked)

Recipe of the week:

Chicken breasts each weighing 3.5 oz raw.
Taco seasoning
Water
Salsa

Add water to the bottom of a frying pan and heat to medium high heat until the water is simmering. Sprinkle chicken breasts on each side with taco seasoning and put in the water. Cook for 8 minutes on 1 side, 5 minutes on the other side. Add the jar of salsa and cook for a few more minutes.

Scoop out the chicken breasts with the salsa over the top. 1 for dinner or lunch, the rest in a container for other meals.

In the middle of a stressful situation, I'm sticking to it and down to 172

2010-01-27T19:34:00.000-08:00

I work for a non-profit world relief organization. While I am really proud of the work that we have been able to do to help the people of Haiti during this time, when I am under stress, sticking to my diet becomes 10 times more difficult. However, I am entering my third week and haven't cheated even a little bit.

My diet has been the same for the past 3 days.

I have a JP protein shake (1/8 cup of protein shake, 6 strawberries, 1 cup of water) for breakfast and lunch.

For dinner, I have 3.5 oz of broiled tilapia with cajun seasoning on top and boiled asparagus.

Dinner tonight was a little different, I had my shakes for breakfast and lunch and after working a nearly 12 hour workday, I had 3.5 oz of turkey lunch meat and 4 melba toasts. I know it doesn't sound very satisfying but "nothing tastes as good as thin feels."

I have had a stall for the past 3 days now and am hoping that it will break tomorrow. While I am down to 172 lbs, I have been at 172 Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday morning. The stalls can be really frustrating, however, I know from reading some of the HCG support forums that this too will pass. I have faith. I have come too far to turn back now. I also got a chance to take a look at some pictures that were taken at the beginning of the diet and now. When I get a chance I will post them. The changes are encouraging enough to keep me going....for now.

Day 7 - I am beginning to think that week 2 may be the toughest week.

2010-01-18T13:58:00.000-08:00

I am so grouchy! On one hand, I am sick to death of my diet, on the other hand, I am down to 177. I did find out that I can add something sweet to my diet. It's similar to a protein shake, made by a company called JuicePlus. I have the chocolate flavor. 1 cup of water and 6 strawberries and I am good to go. It keeps me satisfied a little longer than I am normally and I'm still losing weight.

This morning, I had 1 JP shake and 2 melba toast.
This afternoon, instead of having a protein with my salad, I just had lettuce with balsamic vinegar on top which was not as horrible as I thought it would be.
I had 2 more melba toasts for a snack.
For dinner, I am having another JP shake.

Day 6 - Getting through the first stall

2010-01-18T13:50:00.000-08:00

When I woke up this morning and weighed in, I found that I was down to 178. Sometimes I wonder whether this diet is going to be worth it, but when I really think about it, I was honestly more unhappy feeling like I was heavy and doing nothing about it than I am when I battle through another craving for pasta. My diet hasn't changed since the first couple of days, but I'm sick to death of what I can have. Meeting the challenges of sticking to my diet while everyone around me was having really good food was personally satisfying even though I am really sick of my diet and it's making me grouchy but I'm also looking forward to the time when I can eat what I want (in moderation) and still be thin. It's a good trade off.

Day 5 - Working through frustration

2010-01-18T13:44:00.000-08:00

Weekends are tough and when you're on a diet, they are that much tougher. This morning, I slept long enough to not have to work through the morning hunger. I ate my melba toast and headed to Costco to pick up some items to continue through this diet. I went home and had a little chicken broth, with 3.5 oz of ground turkey and spinach. I had an orange for a snack later and managed to choke down some soup with ground turkey, spinach, onions and tomato. It was good but I feel like what I really want is butter. The only thing that is keeping me from eating it is the fact that the back fat that was developing has disappeared. Wish me luck.

Day 4 - Mind over Matter

2010-01-18T13:37:00.000-08:00

Trivia nights are one of my favorite things to do with my friends. All the food, adult beverages and partying with my friends is usually awesome. This time, I was the designated driver. That sucked.

I stuck to my diet and while everyone else ate, drank and was merry, I was the go to guy for questions.

My diet was similar to yesterday.

2 snacks of 2 melba toasts, 2 fruits, 2 servings of protein at 3.5 grams each and 2 servings of veggies. I had iced tea while everyone else had something fun but overall, I was proud of how strong I stayed even when I really didn't want to.

My reward? No weight loss at all. I stayed at 179.

Day 3 was a real struggle!

2010-01-13T18:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a struggle as far as hunger was concerned. I was famished and in a bad mood. I had a terrible headache. Thankfully, I persevered and it paid off.

1 - Hot chai black tea with a packet of Purevia
2 - 32 oz iced teas with 3 packets of Purevia each
1 - Small apple at 10 am
2 - Garlic Melba Toasts about 10:30
1 - 3.5 oz turkey burger with stoneground mustard over a handful of romaine lettuce with a packet of lemon juice.
2 - Garlic Melba Toast
1 - Small apple around 3:00 pm
1 - Soup, (3.5 oz ground turkey, a handful of spinach in a chicken broth with 1 tbs each tomato and onion, a little tomato sauce - no sugar for the broth, with spices)

Weight this morning 180. Total weight lost - 9 lbs.

If I was ever going to give up on this diet, it would have been yesterday. I was hungry, I was tired and frustrated. However, I tell myself over and over again that I am much more unhappy being heavy than I am being hungry. This is only 6 weeks and I'm already ending the first week. If things keep going as they have been, or even if they slow down, to .5 to 1 lb and day, this will all be worth it. I have 6 weeks where I can drop the weight and then I have to be off the diet in the maintenance phase for at least 6 weeks. Giving up now is not an option.

Day 2 Was So Much Easier

2010-01-12T03:03:00.000-08:00

After taking a look at the scale and realizing that the pounds were coming off, it was much easier to skip the donuts and stick to the diet.

Diet:
0.5 sublingual hcg at about 5 am
1 Hot black, chai tea with a packet of Purevia.
1 Iced Tea 32 oz with 3 packets of Purevia.
1 Hot black, chai tea with a packet of Purevia.
2 Garlic Melba Toast - 8:00 am
1 Small Orange - 10:00 am
1 Liter of Water
1 Large Iced Tea with 3 packets of Purevia.
1 3.5 gram turkey burger with a tsp of mustard over a handful of lettuce 12 pm
1 Liter of Water
1 Small Orange - 3 pm
2 Melba Toasts - 4 pm
1 3.5 gram turkey burger with a tsp of mustard over a handful of lettuce - 6:30 pm
0.5 sublingual hcg at about 7 pm
(Iced Tea for the Rest of the evening)

Wt at the end of day 2, 182. Total pounds lost, 7.
In all honesty, I didn't have the hunger that nearly drove me crazy on the first day. I was also working all day which really helped. As a rule, other than my lunch hour, I don't have a whole lot of free time and that helped me stick to the diet.

A New Year, A New Goal

2010-01-10T17:52:00.000-08:00

After a frustrating year, I'm back. This time with the help and advice of my compounding pharmacist Frank. He told me about the HCG diet. My sister was the first one to try the HCG diet. She ordered the mix and followed the diet and lost over 34 pounds in 6 weeks. Once I saw her results, I contacted Frank and told him that I would eat dog turds for 6 weeks if it meant that I got those kinds of results. I ordered the HCG from his online pharmacy for about $30 and the sublingual mixing kit from his website for about $60. After waiting for about 3 weeks to get the HCG, I was beginning to get a little anxious. Not only was I tired of my weight, I was also tired of my setbacks.

Once the HCG arrived, I weighed myself, I weighed 187 pounds. THAT SUCKS! I had to get started right away. After beginning the sublingual doses of the HCG, I was ready for phase 1 of the diet. The gorge days. Every two hours, you eat whatever you want until you are full. It rocks.

Day 1:

I had a sausage egg and cheese croisanwich from Burger King. I ordered some French Toast sticks for later and it came with potato disks that were covered in grease.

2 Hours later, I had to eat again. I had nothing fatty in the house so I had a tablespoon full of peanut butter.

2 hours later, I went to Costco with my sister and had a Churro and a soda.

2 hours later, after making most of my dishes in preparation for the second phase of the diet, I made a giant vat of chili mac. It was pretty awesome.

Day 2

I gorged on pancakes with butter and syrup.

2 hours later, I had some cereal.

2 for lunch I went to Maggiano's, a local Italian Restaurant. It rocked. I had appetizers, bread, shrimp linguine with cream sauce. I had enough to take home for dinner and I took advantage of it.

At the end of day 2, I was up to 189. I earned every pound.

Day 3

The first day of phase 2 and all I could think about was how much I wanted a donut.

Instead, I took my first dose of HCG and then chugged 32 oz of water.
At about 10 am, I had 1/2 a grapefruit and a large iced tea with Purevia to sweeten it.
A couple hours later, I was STARVING and feeling super grouchy. I had 2 melba toast and wished everyone else was dead.

For lunch, I had a handful of salad greens with a tablespoon of lemon juice as "salad dressing." I topped it with 3.5 grams of chicken baked with greek seasoning for flavor. It wasn't the worst thing I ever had but I still wanted my donut.

For a snack, I had the other half of the grapefruit. This time I only wished I were dead.

I took my second dose of HCG.

For dinner, I had a 3.5 gram turkey burger with mustard wrapped in lettuce leaves. In all honesty, it wasn't so bad.

For my snack, I had a couple more melba toast.

The moment of truth arrived. I got on the scale. I was down to 186.

If I knew at the beginning of the day how good it would feel to drop 3 lbs in a day, I would have been in a much better mood.

See you tomorrow.

New tools to help everybody lose weight.

2009-01-03T12:23:00.000-08:00

After my disastrous results at losing weight on my own, I have been on a mission. I have searched far and wide to discover how in the world I am going to lose weight on my schedule. I get up in the morning just in time to make myself barely presentable before driving for an hour to work, Once I am at work, there are a million different temptations in my department. Snacking is the rule and not the exception. I work for 8-10 hours a day, commute the hour back home, help the kids with their homework, eat dinner, try to clean up enough so that someone doesn't condemn my house, catch up on my reading, possibly watch some television before falling into bed exhausted. Most of the other women that I know do the exact same thing and those that don't I usually don't like for that reason.

My weekends are usually catching up on the shoddy cleaning job that I have done throughout the week, bringing the thunder down on my kids so they will try to push through another miserable week at school, ironing the laundry that I will need for the upcoming work week, grocery shopping, planning for upcoming events and occasionally playing Betty Crocker for my kids. On top of all of this is the underlying fear that the economy is going to deteriorate to a point where my husband is going to lose his job and we are going to lose everything that we have worked 15 years to get, trying to figure out how to pay the bills while trying to pay down the credit cards from Christmas and teach my kids that there are more important things than money even though I don't know that I quite believe that myself right now. Thank God for anti-depressants.

The only thing that keeps me from jumping off the ledge and actually believing that I can do this is:

a) the fact that I have done this before and I know that I can do it again.
b) the determination that I will not be defeated when the only thing standing in the way of me is me.
c) a couple of really cool web applications that are FREE and that have convinced me that with a little organization and some good record keeping, I can defeat my weight issues.

The first application that I want to introduce everybody to is Calorie King. If you have ever wondered how many calories are in a Denny's hamburger or a Frisco-melt from Steak'n'Shake (hint--it's a lot) you can look it up on calorie king. I have yet to find a food that isn't listed on calorie king.

The second application is Fitday. Basically this is a free application that not only helps you track your weight loss progress. You can track the calories that you consume everyday, your moods as well as a journal to see if your mood affects what you consume, whether you have exercised or lost inches but not weight. Excellent tool.

Sparkpeople is another tracking application. There are recipes and articles as well as support from other people that are trying to lose weight or get healthier.

Last but certainly not least is a very simple application called Joe's Goals. Joe's Goals is an easy way to track how well you are keeping your promises to yourself. For those of us that make New Year's Resolutions on the first and break them by the 5th, this is an awesome tool. Even if you don't meet every goal it is a good way to get back on track when you slip up.

My Goals on Joe's Goals

2009-01-02T17:22:00.000-08:00

Is my body rebelling?

2008-12-29T19:43:00.000-08:00

Today was the weigh in day for me. In the past week, I averaged 1640 calories a day and I made a conscious effort to get out and walk on 3 separate occasions. There were really good days (calorie-wise 1012) and there were bad days (when I ate an entire bag of almond M&Ms -- a whopping 1470 calories). Overall, I wasn't terribly dissatisfied with myself.

I had always heard that if you multiplied your body weight by 10, that is the amount of calories that you have to ingest in order to maintain that body weight. For me, that would be 1930 calories per day. I didn't sacrifice as much as I could have but I still did take in nearly 300 calories less each day than I had assumed that I was taking in before. Instead of eating whatever I wanted, I ate healthier choices. It wasn't that big of a deal to trade in a hamburger for a turkey sandwich. The one thing that I did not do until today was increase my water intake but all in all, I expected that I would go down and weigh myself and find that I had lost a pound, maybe two if I was lucky.

I guess you can imagine my surprise when I weighed in 4 pounds heavier since the last weigh in. I don't know what I would have done had there not been another person nearby, I was torn between crying and cursing. While I don't know what my options are right now, the one thing is sure, I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet. While I know that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, I can hardly believe that if I take in more calories that I will lose weight. I think that rather than getting depressed, I need to continue to monitor what I put in my mouth, increase my water intake and get used to exercising every day. I will let you know next Monday how it goes.

Average Calories -- 1640 per day.
Exercise -- 3 times in the past 10 days. Approximately 10 miles walking.

A cold hard dose of reality.

2008-12-20T13:32:00.000-08:00

About a year ago, I decided to stop in for a free assessment and personal training session at a gym in my area. Everything was fine until I got on the scale and saw that I was 206 pounds. That was a shocking dose of reality. I had not realized that I had let myself go so badly. There were a million excuses that I could have made, but I chose instead to do something about it and started a food diary. I lost 20 pounds by February.

Pretty soon, I was so confident that I could do it on my own that I stopped keeping a food diary and by the time I weighed myself again, the pounds had slowly but surely crept back on. I'm not 206 but I am 193 pounds. I'm not the happy, confident person that I used to be and it has everything to do with my weight.

When I was in high school, I never had a problem weight. I was 115 pounds when I got married and could down more White Castle burgers than any guy that I knew without gaining an ounce. Even after I had my first child I was down to my fighting weight in no time. After my daughter, I held steady at a size 10. By the time I had my third child I had completely lost my weight loss battle. I have been yo-yo-ing between a size 8 and 14. Currently, I am losing the battle with my weight, kind of like Oprah, but like Oprah, I am admitting my failure and starting again. I'll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck.